Weeks ago, The SouFrican told me "Just wait until you lose your first kid [to another hagwon]; you'll be so upset."
I imagined at the time how sad I would be to lose any one of my kindergartners. What would my little class of five be like without Stella giggling? Or Amy's foghorn-like singing and shouting? Or Matthew's intelligence? Even at the time it didn't seem like a possibility, something I had pushed out of my brain as impossible until they were seven.
But today I found out that it isn't impossible and it is happening. But I'm not losing one. I'm losing four. I'm losing these four wonderful, beautiful kids that are my reason for coming to work every day. They make facing the day possible and now they won't be there to make me smile or sing songs with me.
I've been told it isn't because of me, that mommy drama is to blame. But there's still a part of me that thinks "if only I had made them love me more..." or something.
November is looking very bleak, indeed.