On the couch

My first week of school is down! I incorrectly cited my sources in my first paper :( I had an awesome long weekend full of poutine and on-camera interviews and just hanging out! My four-day weekend is over :( My students' musical "Pinocchio" is in 15 days! They still don't know their lines :(

I suppose you could say life is full of ups and downs?

Lately, I've been struck with the vague notion, best described as "the grass is always greener," especially in relation to my friends' online lives. I mean, I shouldn't be even remotely jealous. I mean, I'm in Korea. I'm living a life of my choosing, not being influenced or controlled by any other motives other than my own. And I'm happy with those choices, to boot.

So why is it difficult to find happiness in an instagram of my friend's one-way ticket to New York City? Or why do I feel the shadow of resentment when my friend posts a cute picture of her baby? Or why do I feel the need to say something mean about my friend's recent wedding? All of these things should make me happy for that other person. I don't want to move to New York City or have a baby or get married, not even remotely at the moment. So where is this coming from?

I think a huge part of it is this cultivation of an "online life." I realize that sometimes, online lives look a lot cooler than they are in real life. Everybody is just trying to reach a million likes, as if its an affirmation in life. In fact, all of this online life like-whoring makes me just about want to disappear from online altogether . . . until I realize that disappearing online is a lot like disappearing in real life. Then no one would think of you unless they organically thought of you. No one would remember your birthday unless they actually tried to remember your birthday.

Wait a second, that doesn't sound half bad at all!

Of course, this is a problem that's not really a problem. It's just something I noticed recently that I found extremely unattractive about myself. And I figured you haven't heard from me in awhile. And I might as well couch my current events in this thought-of-the-moment. And continue to use grad-schooly type phrases like "couch" (blank) in (blank).