Summer is still very much underway here in the big K. The humidity just broke for the first time in months, although anything I leave out for even the shortest amounts of time stills molds, including laundry, fruit, or bread.
And then there's the work stuff. So on Monday night, I had a difficult time sleeping and I realized that I hadn't gotten my contract for my extension worked out yet and it's kind of coming down to the wire. Several months ago (methinks April?) I approached my boss about extending for a couple months. I really wanted to because it would work out in a carefully-timed scheme so that I could potentially work at a public school in February without resubmitting my very expensive, very time consuming documents. That was problem numero uno--framing this extension as a need of mine, when really, I should have framed it as a need of hers, the dragon lady aka my boss.
Well after a sleepless night on Monday, I came in on Tuesday and asked my boss if I could talk to her about contracting the extension. At which point she says, "Ummmm....yeah... I've been meaning to talk to you about that for awhile but I just really didn't want to. Yeah...well, see. The thing is...we have had 30 kids drop out this month....and you know...we have nine teachers here...that is like less than 20 kids per teacher...and so yeah... we won't be able to have you extend."
I was absolutely floored. FLOORED. First of all, out of the nine teachers, four are foreign staff and five are Koreans, three of which with limited English proficiency. AT AN ENGLISH ACADEMY. Second of all, she has personally told half of those parents to take a hike because she just isn't willing to compromise with parents concerned about their child's education. And to top it all off, she's known for WEEKS and hasn't bothered to say anything?!?!
So I was beyond upset and asked when my final day would be. I went from a "definite" November 1, with a potential few extra weeks tossed in to a final October 4. From 10 weeks left here to less than six in a swift moment. Although this realization was shocking, it was not as shocking as my boss' utter neglect of any consideration for me, whatsoever. If I hadn't approached her on Tuesday, when would she have talked to me? When would she have done her due diligence by me and INFORMED me of what was going on???
When we talked about it again today, I stood up for myself. I ensured that I would be paid entirely at a certain date, that I could stay in my apartment a few extra days to move and was assured of the work that would be required of me before I left. Of course, I will not rest assured until there has been a contract signed to the effect of all of this because she's a lying, conniving snake and a whole bunch of other words I can't write on a forum that my mother reads.
But still I couldn't resist getting my digs in. So I asked about the American, who is leaving for a week after my new end date. "So you're just going to have three English teachers at an English academy?" She assured me that I was correct. So I just whistled (which she hates) and said "Wow then I am glad I won't be working here by then."
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Nothing Gold Can Stay
I've already passed the 11-month mark here in Korea. It is so surreal to go from being that wide-eyed new kid on the block meeting all these savvy foreigners who can spit out what sounds like gobbledegook and help you navigate your way around Korean streets, food, and culture to being the person who seemed to know so much--without really knowing anything at all!
Yes, a lot has changed.
I think about leaving my students and I get horribly sad. I don't want to think about it for a second. I have to start training the Loud American to be me. And it's so hard. I don't want to think about my kindy's loving on another teacher, holding their hand and trying to monopolize their attention. That's MY job. I'm already mourning the loss of them and I'm not even leaving for another three and a half months.
I'm sure you think I'm exaggerating, but even on their worst days, I just love hanging out with these silly five year olds.
Even when they spit on me because they were holding water in their mouths and then they started laughing.
Or cough in my face.
Or break my shoe.
Or steal my food.
Or seven of them are calling "teacherrrrr!" at the exact same time.
Or they bawl their eyes out.
Or they cling to me and try to rip off my arms.
Or play with glitter all over the table and make a huge mess.
There are just as many times they come to sit on my lap for no reason at all.
And come to the teacher's room to tell me a story about something that happened during lunch.
Or shout "See you tomorrow!"/"Goodnight!"/"See you in 300 million years!"
Or make jokes about the air conditioning sounding like a coffee maker. "Teacher wants coffee?"
Or draw cute pictures of us together.
Or clean up my classroom for me.
Or tell people how much they love me.
I'm really savoring these moments now because I know I'm going to blink, and then they'll be gone. :(
Yes, a lot has changed.
I think about leaving my students and I get horribly sad. I don't want to think about it for a second. I have to start training the Loud American to be me. And it's so hard. I don't want to think about my kindy's loving on another teacher, holding their hand and trying to monopolize their attention. That's MY job. I'm already mourning the loss of them and I'm not even leaving for another three and a half months.
I'm sure you think I'm exaggerating, but even on their worst days, I just love hanging out with these silly five year olds.
Even when they spit on me because they were holding water in their mouths and then they started laughing.
Or cough in my face.
Or break my shoe.
Or steal my food.
Or seven of them are calling "teacherrrrr!" at the exact same time.
Or they bawl their eyes out.
Or they cling to me and try to rip off my arms.
Or play with glitter all over the table and make a huge mess.
There are just as many times they come to sit on my lap for no reason at all.
And come to the teacher's room to tell me a story about something that happened during lunch.
Or shout "See you tomorrow!"/"Goodnight!"/"See you in 300 million years!"
Or make jokes about the air conditioning sounding like a coffee maker. "Teacher wants coffee?"
Or draw cute pictures of us together.
Or clean up my classroom for me.
Or tell people how much they love me.
I'm really savoring these moments now because I know I'm going to blink, and then they'll be gone. :(
Saturday, December 15, 2012
New Students
Things have been crazy hectic at work lately. My director just bought a new hagwon and we have been going through the process of combining the new school's students into our current classes and making new classes.
I used to have this absurdly long prep time on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Actually, out of my eight-hour work day, I was only teaching 80 minutes. That's the stuff dreams are made of.
No more. Dreams are dashed. Gone are the days of feeling prepared walking into a class. Now, I am lucky if I know what I am supposed to be teaching before I walk into the classroom. If I don't have to waste the first ten minutes of class looking for a book to copy, making enough copies for all of the students, and only then finding out I don't have the accompanying listening CD, well, then it's been a great day. Oh, and dinner! If I get to eat my dinner before seven, it's a blessing!
What happened to my life? Work has been not so enjoyable lately. All of the teachers, we are pinched for time and feeling stressed. We've all been pretty snippy at each other lately. And it doesn't seem like there will be any reprieve soon. We are losing The Canadian in a week! (Nothing serious, just decided to go home early). Her replacement won't be here until January, and really we need two or three in order to make the workload bearable.
These are the joys of working for a hagwon, a private business where the end goal is making money. That's a harsh criticism, but I am actually pretty lucky. Others I know have had it worse--losing students (i.e. profit) meant getting fired, a slow decline of going out of business where there monthly salary payments kept coming later and later and then not at all. It could definitely be worse.
Through it all, there has been a silver-lining--new students! I am enjoying my new students, even if they mean that I am strapped for time. A few, in particular, stand out to me.
I had been warned by the teacher at the former hagwon that one of my new classes were killer to keep on task and were total monsters. Well, I went and had an awesome class and was flying high on good teacher vibes. I was so pleased! After I taught them, the Sou'frican taught them a different subject. Five minutes into her teaching period, she barges in on my class shouting "Grapes?? Cake? Toad? Bread? Tiger?!?" Apparently the class had told her fake almost-real names. Grace became Grapes, Kate became Cake, Todd became Toad, Brad became Bread and Tiger, well, Tiger stayed Tiger.
Of course, nothing gold can stay. My schedule changes again right before Christmas. Since the Canadian is leaving, I have been asked to take on her schedule, with the addition of at least two new classes. This means I will be teaching a full block without any planning whatsoever as well as teaching and developing a rapport with 35 new students. I fear the coming months.
I used to have this absurdly long prep time on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Actually, out of my eight-hour work day, I was only teaching 80 minutes. That's the stuff dreams are made of.
No more. Dreams are dashed. Gone are the days of feeling prepared walking into a class. Now, I am lucky if I know what I am supposed to be teaching before I walk into the classroom. If I don't have to waste the first ten minutes of class looking for a book to copy, making enough copies for all of the students, and only then finding out I don't have the accompanying listening CD, well, then it's been a great day. Oh, and dinner! If I get to eat my dinner before seven, it's a blessing!
What happened to my life? Work has been not so enjoyable lately. All of the teachers, we are pinched for time and feeling stressed. We've all been pretty snippy at each other lately. And it doesn't seem like there will be any reprieve soon. We are losing The Canadian in a week! (Nothing serious, just decided to go home early). Her replacement won't be here until January, and really we need two or three in order to make the workload bearable.
These are the joys of working for a hagwon, a private business where the end goal is making money. That's a harsh criticism, but I am actually pretty lucky. Others I know have had it worse--losing students (i.e. profit) meant getting fired, a slow decline of going out of business where there monthly salary payments kept coming later and later and then not at all. It could definitely be worse.
Through it all, there has been a silver-lining--new students! I am enjoying my new students, even if they mean that I am strapped for time. A few, in particular, stand out to me.
I had been warned by the teacher at the former hagwon that one of my new classes were killer to keep on task and were total monsters. Well, I went and had an awesome class and was flying high on good teacher vibes. I was so pleased! After I taught them, the Sou'frican taught them a different subject. Five minutes into her teaching period, she barges in on my class shouting "Grapes?? Cake? Toad? Bread? Tiger?!?" Apparently the class had told her fake almost-real names. Grace became Grapes, Kate became Cake, Todd became Toad, Brad became Bread and Tiger, well, Tiger stayed Tiger.
Of course, nothing gold can stay. My schedule changes again right before Christmas. Since the Canadian is leaving, I have been asked to take on her schedule, with the addition of at least two new classes. This means I will be teaching a full block without any planning whatsoever as well as teaching and developing a rapport with 35 new students. I fear the coming months.
Friday, August 24, 2012
At Year's End: A Reflection on the VISTA Program
Disclaimer: This is really long and probably only helpful to people considering being in a VISTA program.
For those of you who don't know, VISTA (Volunteers in Service to America) is a federal loan-payment program for recent college graduates that matches volunteers with nonprofits so that they can serve as "capacity-builders" for the organizations and increase their ability to serve their target demographic. This means that although the organizations that VISTAs work for span a diverse spectrum, VISTAs do essentially similar work--fundraising, developing templates, designing websites, building a volunteer database, writing grants, building community partnerships and more. The premise of the program is that you live and work in poverty, only receiving a basic living stipend ($15,000 a year) and at the end of the program, you receive $5,000 toward future education or toward paying off your student loans.
If you've been reading my blog, you know that I have shared my trials and my successes here with you, but have generally erred on the side of positivity when it comes to regarding my position. This comes as a result of personal belief: in focusing on having a positive attitude, I invite more positivity into my life and I see opportunities where others might have a bleaker outlook. Honestly, it was often this philosophy that kept me from walking out of my office and never returning.
Now that my VISTA year has officially come to a close, I feel as though I would be remiss in not recounting accurately the positive and negative aspects of my year of service for anyone else looking into serving their country through civil service in the VISTA program. (As a side note, there are other federal loan programs, such as City Year, NCCC, Learn & Serve, and many others, but I can only provide a information about VISTA).
As a VISTA, there are certain factors that will make or break your VISTA experience. For example, the program I worked with was part of a large VISTA network contracted through Los Angeles Unified School District, the second-largest school district in the United States, as part of a pilot program. This means that although I was the only VISTA at my three school sites, there were 20 other VISTAs in my program, and all of us experienced the roller coaster that is the first year of a VISTA program. We could commiserate with each other when our supervisors decided to change the terms of our contract because it wasn't working for the school district or for the Corporation for National and Community Service (the corporation that oversees the VISTA program and provides the paychecks). But this also meant that we were working in different conditions, being required to put forth varying levels of effort, while still being paid exactly the same amount. There were benefits and there were drawbacks.
One of the major issues I have with this program has to do with the level of dedication--there is no set standard. I came into this program, high-minded and idealistic. I am passionate about education reform and equality and I am also passionate about service. I give 150% most of the time and I thought this was the expectation of a VISTA--why else would a person sign up to get paid $15,000 a year if they didn't care about what they were doing? After all, I was being paid better as a babysitter before I became a VISTA. But as it turns out, many of the people from my program were merely biding their time while they studied for the LSAT or applied for graduate school, living with their parents rent-free and doing little work for a meager paycheck. During our days of service (federal holidays where we did community work like building a community garden), these were the people sitting on benches complaining or holding rakes and chatting with their friends. Meanwhile, I'm hoe-ing my heart out with a hangover, trying to actually accomplish something important and valuable to the people we are trying to help. But I eventually got over the inequality of effort being put forth and learned to roll my eyes, shake my head and get back to work.
Unfortunately, the management of the program just wasn't something I could roll my eyes and be okay with. First of all, I was hired in August 2011 by someone at the district who had interviewed me along with some of the principals interested in the program. Two months later, this person was "taken off" of our project and sent elsewhere and we were dumped on another district employee who seemed to neither understand the VISTA program nor did she particularly like any of us (with the exception of maybe two VISTAs). The assumption was clearly that we were doing nothing with our time at our school sites. Things started changing: our metrics reporting forms became so involved that they took several hours to complete and were now due on the weekends, some VISTAs were given days off for Spring Break or Independence Day while others were expected to work as usual, some VISTAs were being put on probation for merely disagreeing with our district supervisor. While my VISTA supervisors (VISTAs who acted as our Human Resources department) were generally pretty helpful and responsive, they were also essentially powerless.
And as the months progressed and the closer we got to our termination date, the more awful is became. What were we going to do, quit? No one was going to quit and miss out on a $5,000 payout for completing the year of service just to escape another three months of hell. Except that some of us did. The real shame here is that those who quit were the people who cared the most about their schools and their communities. They were the people who gave of themselves irrevocably and because of the district's ignorance, they failed to see and acknowledge the wonderful compassion fused in the very core of these people. Of course, those who were doing nothing more than hanging out all day at a school site stuck around, but the people that were doing important work were so unappreciated that they had to leave.
Of course, their were daily frustrations at the school site--since our program was poorly communicated to our principals, most of them didn't know we were young professionals (not students) or the extent of what we were capable of accomplishing. I struggled almost daily to have my ideas taken seriously, to be viewed as a valuable member of the school community, and to stay informed of what was going on at my various school sites. But overcoming these struggles allowed me to garner valuable professional experience and it opened doors to new communities with open arms. One of my schools now has an online presence where none existed before and they honored me with a special award and plaque at the year's end. I got to see the looks on kids' faces when they received an attendance incentive award (that I sought out) to go to a Dodger's game for free--something their parents wouldn't have had the money to take them to. I got to meet friends and feel like a part of a team in a foreign community and to feel as though I was important.
If I had the chance to do it all over again, would I? Honestly, I'm unsure. There are a lot easier ways to earn money to pay off your student loans (teaching English as a foreign language in Korea, for example!) and there are many programs that more closely align to my passions. Getting a job in the private sector probably would look better on my resume and I wouldn't have to begin every interview with explaining what VISTA is. But at the same time, I survived it. Finding out you're strong enough to make it through something really difficult is self-satisfying. It definitely fed my desire for adventure and is a motivating factor behind my decision to apply for a job teaching English in South Korea. I made it through with a smile on my face, and despite the fact that next year will probably be more difficult, I know I have the ability to still remain positive about my situation.
So, in closing, I hope I didn't deter anyone from doing a year as a VISTA. Service to one's country is important and valuable. If you're like me, motivated by a positive attitude and a desire to work hard in service, then maybe you should check out City Year, another Americorps program, but full of hard workers focused on positivity. If I could go back in time, this is the program I would have applied for because I am in no way afraid of hard work and I think that their process is much healthier for the volunteer state of mind. Of course, there are so many other ways to serve your country, so don't make any decisions until you've explored all of them. Good luck.
For those of you who don't know, VISTA (Volunteers in Service to America) is a federal loan-payment program for recent college graduates that matches volunteers with nonprofits so that they can serve as "capacity-builders" for the organizations and increase their ability to serve their target demographic. This means that although the organizations that VISTAs work for span a diverse spectrum, VISTAs do essentially similar work--fundraising, developing templates, designing websites, building a volunteer database, writing grants, building community partnerships and more. The premise of the program is that you live and work in poverty, only receiving a basic living stipend ($15,000 a year) and at the end of the program, you receive $5,000 toward future education or toward paying off your student loans.
If you've been reading my blog, you know that I have shared my trials and my successes here with you, but have generally erred on the side of positivity when it comes to regarding my position. This comes as a result of personal belief: in focusing on having a positive attitude, I invite more positivity into my life and I see opportunities where others might have a bleaker outlook. Honestly, it was often this philosophy that kept me from walking out of my office and never returning.
Now that my VISTA year has officially come to a close, I feel as though I would be remiss in not recounting accurately the positive and negative aspects of my year of service for anyone else looking into serving their country through civil service in the VISTA program. (As a side note, there are other federal loan programs, such as City Year, NCCC, Learn & Serve, and many others, but I can only provide a information about VISTA).
As a VISTA, there are certain factors that will make or break your VISTA experience. For example, the program I worked with was part of a large VISTA network contracted through Los Angeles Unified School District, the second-largest school district in the United States, as part of a pilot program. This means that although I was the only VISTA at my three school sites, there were 20 other VISTAs in my program, and all of us experienced the roller coaster that is the first year of a VISTA program. We could commiserate with each other when our supervisors decided to change the terms of our contract because it wasn't working for the school district or for the Corporation for National and Community Service (the corporation that oversees the VISTA program and provides the paychecks). But this also meant that we were working in different conditions, being required to put forth varying levels of effort, while still being paid exactly the same amount. There were benefits and there were drawbacks.
One of the major issues I have with this program has to do with the level of dedication--there is no set standard. I came into this program, high-minded and idealistic. I am passionate about education reform and equality and I am also passionate about service. I give 150% most of the time and I thought this was the expectation of a VISTA--why else would a person sign up to get paid $15,000 a year if they didn't care about what they were doing? After all, I was being paid better as a babysitter before I became a VISTA. But as it turns out, many of the people from my program were merely biding their time while they studied for the LSAT or applied for graduate school, living with their parents rent-free and doing little work for a meager paycheck. During our days of service (federal holidays where we did community work like building a community garden), these were the people sitting on benches complaining or holding rakes and chatting with their friends. Meanwhile, I'm hoe-ing my heart out with a hangover, trying to actually accomplish something important and valuable to the people we are trying to help. But I eventually got over the inequality of effort being put forth and learned to roll my eyes, shake my head and get back to work.
Unfortunately, the management of the program just wasn't something I could roll my eyes and be okay with. First of all, I was hired in August 2011 by someone at the district who had interviewed me along with some of the principals interested in the program. Two months later, this person was "taken off" of our project and sent elsewhere and we were dumped on another district employee who seemed to neither understand the VISTA program nor did she particularly like any of us (with the exception of maybe two VISTAs). The assumption was clearly that we were doing nothing with our time at our school sites. Things started changing: our metrics reporting forms became so involved that they took several hours to complete and were now due on the weekends, some VISTAs were given days off for Spring Break or Independence Day while others were expected to work as usual, some VISTAs were being put on probation for merely disagreeing with our district supervisor. While my VISTA supervisors (VISTAs who acted as our Human Resources department) were generally pretty helpful and responsive, they were also essentially powerless.
And as the months progressed and the closer we got to our termination date, the more awful is became. What were we going to do, quit? No one was going to quit and miss out on a $5,000 payout for completing the year of service just to escape another three months of hell. Except that some of us did. The real shame here is that those who quit were the people who cared the most about their schools and their communities. They were the people who gave of themselves irrevocably and because of the district's ignorance, they failed to see and acknowledge the wonderful compassion fused in the very core of these people. Of course, those who were doing nothing more than hanging out all day at a school site stuck around, but the people that were doing important work were so unappreciated that they had to leave.
Of course, their were daily frustrations at the school site--since our program was poorly communicated to our principals, most of them didn't know we were young professionals (not students) or the extent of what we were capable of accomplishing. I struggled almost daily to have my ideas taken seriously, to be viewed as a valuable member of the school community, and to stay informed of what was going on at my various school sites. But overcoming these struggles allowed me to garner valuable professional experience and it opened doors to new communities with open arms. One of my schools now has an online presence where none existed before and they honored me with a special award and plaque at the year's end. I got to see the looks on kids' faces when they received an attendance incentive award (that I sought out) to go to a Dodger's game for free--something their parents wouldn't have had the money to take them to. I got to meet friends and feel like a part of a team in a foreign community and to feel as though I was important.
If I had the chance to do it all over again, would I? Honestly, I'm unsure. There are a lot easier ways to earn money to pay off your student loans (teaching English as a foreign language in Korea, for example!) and there are many programs that more closely align to my passions. Getting a job in the private sector probably would look better on my resume and I wouldn't have to begin every interview with explaining what VISTA is. But at the same time, I survived it. Finding out you're strong enough to make it through something really difficult is self-satisfying. It definitely fed my desire for adventure and is a motivating factor behind my decision to apply for a job teaching English in South Korea. I made it through with a smile on my face, and despite the fact that next year will probably be more difficult, I know I have the ability to still remain positive about my situation.
So, in closing, I hope I didn't deter anyone from doing a year as a VISTA. Service to one's country is important and valuable. If you're like me, motivated by a positive attitude and a desire to work hard in service, then maybe you should check out City Year, another Americorps program, but full of hard workers focused on positivity. If I could go back in time, this is the program I would have applied for because I am in no way afraid of hard work and I think that their process is much healthier for the volunteer state of mind. Of course, there are so many other ways to serve your country, so don't make any decisions until you've explored all of them. Good luck.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Things I Love About My Job: Talking to Seniors
On Wednesday, I had the opportunity to talk to the seniors at my high school about college. If you know me, you know that if there is one thing I love talking about, it is college. Rather, I love motivating others to give college, and themselves, a chance.
Normally the seniors at my high school are disrespectful snots, but I was so pleased with the amount of curiosity they had regarding the college application process. Although a fraction of the class wasn't planning on applying to school (I know, I made them close their eyes and raise their hands), I still tried my best to motivate them to at the very least apply.
I told them all about scholarships and how I believed that college was accessible and could be made to be free if you tried hard enough and had just enough luck. I got to share my beliefs about the system and answer their questions.
Nothing beats the feeling, I tell you!
Normally the seniors at my high school are disrespectful snots, but I was so pleased with the amount of curiosity they had regarding the college application process. Although a fraction of the class wasn't planning on applying to school (I know, I made them close their eyes and raise their hands), I still tried my best to motivate them to at the very least apply.
I told them all about scholarships and how I believed that college was accessible and could be made to be free if you tried hard enough and had just enough luck. I got to share my beliefs about the system and answer their questions.
Nothing beats the feeling, I tell you!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
One more week
Although my VISTA service is ending soon, I'm still constantly surprised by how I get treated at my schools.
The principals at my schools are not quite my bosses and they generally don't treat me like their employee. One of my principals treats me like a colleague, something I really appreciate. She respects me as an individuals with my own valid ideas and shows her appreciation when I go the extra mile.
One of my other principals treats me like dirt. This is my least favorite school for many reasons, but the leadership is numero uno. She treats a lot of her employees like dirt and it's no wonder that morale is so low among the entire staff. She acts like I can just drop everything for her school at a moment's notice. When I ask her to do something, like say, look over the parent newsletter and mark changes, she passes it off to someone else and then when the newsletter doesn't turn out like she wants, she gets angry. She had a WEEK to do as I asked, but she couldn't be bothered. And now I'm supposed to rearrange my schedule to fix it, but to be honest, now I can't be bothered.
One more week. One more week. One more week! Thank the lord!
The principals at my schools are not quite my bosses and they generally don't treat me like their employee. One of my principals treats me like a colleague, something I really appreciate. She respects me as an individuals with my own valid ideas and shows her appreciation when I go the extra mile.
One of my other principals treats me like dirt. This is my least favorite school for many reasons, but the leadership is numero uno. She treats a lot of her employees like dirt and it's no wonder that morale is so low among the entire staff. She acts like I can just drop everything for her school at a moment's notice. When I ask her to do something, like say, look over the parent newsletter and mark changes, she passes it off to someone else and then when the newsletter doesn't turn out like she wants, she gets angry. She had a WEEK to do as I asked, but she couldn't be bothered. And now I'm supposed to rearrange my schedule to fix it, but to be honest, now I can't be bothered.
One more week. One more week. One more week! Thank the lord!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
It's like senior year all over again
I have an extremely nontraditional job, which you readers might have already surmised. It's crazy because I spend a lot of time running around like a chicken with my head cut off, hurriedly trying to accomplish something and prove my usefulness, wandering around like a lost child in Disneyland (been there, done that), or getting fed up and just sitting back and doing nothing because I feel so unhelpful and un-useful.
So that's my life. And my major goal is to do more of the former than I do the latter. But today is a latter day. I'm playing hookey. Or hooky. Or hookie? Anyway, my computer only recognizes the latter as a misspelled word. (See what I just did there?)
And just so you know, it's gonna be awesome. Hell, it was already worth it when I woke up this morning next to Z at 10 am.
Dear future self,
Have a good self-appointed day off.
Love, past self.
So that's my life. And my major goal is to do more of the former than I do the latter. But today is a latter day. I'm playing hookey. Or hooky. Or hookie? Anyway, my computer only recognizes the latter as a misspelled word. (See what I just did there?)
And just so you know, it's gonna be awesome. Hell, it was already worth it when I woke up this morning next to Z at 10 am.
Dear future self,
Have a good self-appointed day off.
Love, past self.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The Slide
To be perfectly honest, I am really hating my job right now. I have developed a list of reasons why I am staying as a gentle reminder every time I feel like walking out.
It seems like every day, I spend a ridiculous amount of time convincing myself that this is where I belong, that the work I am doing is useful and pertinent and actually matters. I'm still not so sure. And by the end of the day, I feel as though I've convinced myself, but that I haven't done much more than that.
I would love to blame it on the district - admittedly, I do feel as though there are WAY too many administrators being paid WAY too much to do what they do; I do feel as though the facilities are WAY too cold and that keeping the thermostat at 67 degrees is stealing from the kids; I do feel as though I am just one cog in a giant machine headed to hell - but these are things I can't change. My lack of motivation can't be a product of things I can't change, otherwise I won't accomplish anything this year.
I just hope that if I keep slogging through the routine, that if I continue to show up, that everything will work itself out. I need to get myself to a happier place in my head, a more content state of being. My discontent is a sign that there is some serious self-work I have left. I guess I should get to work.
- It's a year.
- It's a year of service.
- The prospect of looking for another job.
- The prospect of being jobless.
- The prospect of being homeless.
- The idea that I could help someone.
- The vast need of the schools, communities, administrators, parents and children that I work with.
- My inability to give up.
- My desire to be an agent of social change.
- The resume I will have earned after this year is over.
It seems like every day, I spend a ridiculous amount of time convincing myself that this is where I belong, that the work I am doing is useful and pertinent and actually matters. I'm still not so sure. And by the end of the day, I feel as though I've convinced myself, but that I haven't done much more than that.
I would love to blame it on the district - admittedly, I do feel as though there are WAY too many administrators being paid WAY too much to do what they do; I do feel as though the facilities are WAY too cold and that keeping the thermostat at 67 degrees is stealing from the kids; I do feel as though I am just one cog in a giant machine headed to hell - but these are things I can't change. My lack of motivation can't be a product of things I can't change, otherwise I won't accomplish anything this year.
I just hope that if I keep slogging through the routine, that if I continue to show up, that everything will work itself out. I need to get myself to a happier place in my head, a more content state of being. My discontent is a sign that there is some serious self-work I have left. I guess I should get to work.
Monday, September 12, 2011
This time for real!
So it was my first day of work today. Again. Got deja vu yet?
Yes, for the first time today, I experienced what a *normal* day at work would be like. It went a little like this:
7:30 wake up, for the princess in us all
8:00 running late, hurried kiss goodbye to Z, start my car and listen to it squeal for awhile (broken something or other)
8:05 braindead from sleep, get on the wrong freeway, going the wrong direction
8:15 get off the wrong freeway (yes, at 8 am, traffic going to wrong direction is so bad that it will take you 10 minutes to get off at THE NEXT freeway exit) and go the correct direction
8:35 arrive at school slightly late, sit around unsure of what to do for awhile, give myself something to do, meet security staff, a community liaison mom, a school cop, a nurse, counselor, and basically everyone else who is getting paid more than me
1:30 finally meet with the principal to review the request for donations parent letter that I wrote for him, change nothing and receive rubber stamp approval, meeting adjourned
1:45 drive to Local District office, read training materials, do side projects with flexible deadlines
3:30 meeting with Local District supervisors, receive a lot of redundant information, get talked down to and treated like an idiot, miss snippets of the conversation because the sups and the other VISTA randomly start using Spanish
5:00 bitch sesh with my ma
Well, there you have it: MY DAY! Although I might be sarcastic, I really did have a good first day, with the exception of the supervisor meeting. And I'm working on learning Spanish so that when I do encounter culturally ignorant folks, I won't miss all points of the conversation.
(PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT saying that people who speak Spanish are culturally ignorant. Only those with the capability of speaking in English perfectly well who choose to speak in Spanish when they are well aware that others present do not speak Spanish fall under this category)
I hope I have lots more to share in the coming days as I adjust to my new schedule, working quarters, job description and the many, many life changes that come along with being a VISTA. Of course, that includes making it until payday (Thursday) with less than a quarter of a tank of gas. But boy, those good people points sure make my piggy bank feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside!
Yes, for the first time today, I experienced what a *normal* day at work would be like. It went a little like this:
7:30 wake up, for the princess in us all
8:00 running late, hurried kiss goodbye to Z, start my car and listen to it squeal for awhile (broken something or other)
8:05 braindead from sleep, get on the wrong freeway, going the wrong direction
8:15 get off the wrong freeway (yes, at 8 am, traffic going to wrong direction is so bad that it will take you 10 minutes to get off at THE NEXT freeway exit) and go the correct direction
8:35 arrive at school slightly late, sit around unsure of what to do for awhile, give myself something to do, meet security staff, a community liaison mom, a school cop, a nurse, counselor, and basically everyone else who is getting paid more than me
1:30 finally meet with the principal to review the request for donations parent letter that I wrote for him, change nothing and receive rubber stamp approval, meeting adjourned
1:45 drive to Local District office, read training materials, do side projects with flexible deadlines
3:30 meeting with Local District supervisors, receive a lot of redundant information, get talked down to and treated like an idiot, miss snippets of the conversation because the sups and the other VISTA randomly start using Spanish
5:00 bitch sesh with my ma
Well, there you have it: MY DAY! Although I might be sarcastic, I really did have a good first day, with the exception of the supervisor meeting. And I'm working on learning Spanish so that when I do encounter culturally ignorant folks, I won't miss all points of the conversation.
(PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT saying that people who speak Spanish are culturally ignorant. Only those with the capability of speaking in English perfectly well who choose to speak in Spanish when they are well aware that others present do not speak Spanish fall under this category)
I hope I have lots more to share in the coming days as I adjust to my new schedule, working quarters, job description and the many, many life changes that come along with being a VISTA. Of course, that includes making it until payday (Thursday) with less than a quarter of a tank of gas. But boy, those good people points sure make my piggy bank feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Last Days
Last day on the job tomorrow. I'm going to miss those little buggers.
But not the temper tantrums.
Whew!
But not the temper tantrums.
Whew!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Soon to be old job versus New job
It's the battle of the century! Okay, not really. But here's the deal.
I've been working as a nanny for a well-to-do couple in downtown for awhile now, and will soon need to quit in order to start my new job. Nannying is great and all, don't get me wrong. Hanging out with a couple of kids all day? Pretty great, so long as I get to go home at the end of the day.
But you know, it's just not as fulfilling as I hope my new job is to be, spending a year in the service with Americorps. More info to come later, but be prepared to hear all about my trials and tribulations in what (I am hoping) will be the best year ever!!
I've been working as a nanny for a well-to-do couple in downtown for awhile now, and will soon need to quit in order to start my new job. Nannying is great and all, don't get me wrong. Hanging out with a couple of kids all day? Pretty great, so long as I get to go home at the end of the day.
But you know, it's just not as fulfilling as I hope my new job is to be, spending a year in the service with Americorps. More info to come later, but be prepared to hear all about my trials and tribulations in what (I am hoping) will be the best year ever!!
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