- It's a year.
- It's a year of service.
- The prospect of looking for another job.
- The prospect of being jobless.
- The prospect of being homeless.
- The idea that I could help someone.
- The vast need of the schools, communities, administrators, parents and children that I work with.
- My inability to give up.
- My desire to be an agent of social change.
- The resume I will have earned after this year is over.
It seems like every day, I spend a ridiculous amount of time convincing myself that this is where I belong, that the work I am doing is useful and pertinent and actually matters. I'm still not so sure. And by the end of the day, I feel as though I've convinced myself, but that I haven't done much more than that.
I would love to blame it on the district - admittedly, I do feel as though there are WAY too many administrators being paid WAY too much to do what they do; I do feel as though the facilities are WAY too cold and that keeping the thermostat at 67 degrees is stealing from the kids; I do feel as though I am just one cog in a giant machine headed to hell - but these are things I can't change. My lack of motivation can't be a product of things I can't change, otherwise I won't accomplish anything this year.
I just hope that if I keep slogging through the routine, that if I continue to show up, that everything will work itself out. I need to get myself to a happier place in my head, a more content state of being. My discontent is a sign that there is some serious self-work I have left. I guess I should get to work.