At Year's End: A Reflection on the VISTA Program

Disclaimer: This is really long and probably only helpful to people considering being in a VISTA program.

For those of you who don't know, VISTA (Volunteers in Service to America) is a federal loan-payment program for recent college graduates that matches volunteers with nonprofits so that they can serve as "capacity-builders" for the organizations and increase their ability to serve their target demographic. This means that although the organizations that VISTAs work for span a diverse spectrum, VISTAs do essentially similar work--fundraising, developing templates, designing websites, building a volunteer database, writing grants, building community partnerships and more. The premise of the program is that you live and work in poverty, only receiving a basic living stipend ($15,000 a year) and at the end of the program, you receive $5,000 toward future education or toward paying off your student loans.

If you've been reading my blog, you know that I have shared my trials and my successes here with you, but have generally erred on the side of positivity when it comes to regarding my position. This comes as a result of personal belief: in focusing on having a positive attitude, I invite more positivity into my life and I see opportunities where others might have a bleaker outlook. Honestly, it was often this philosophy that kept me from walking out of my office and never returning.

Now that my VISTA year has officially come to a close, I feel as though I would be remiss in not recounting accurately the positive and negative aspects of my year of service for anyone else looking into serving their country through civil service in the VISTA program. (As a side note, there are other federal loan programs, such as City Year, NCCC, Learn & Serve, and many others, but I can only provide a information about VISTA).

As a VISTA, there are certain factors that will make or break your VISTA experience. For example, the program I worked with was part of a large VISTA network contracted through Los Angeles Unified School District, the second-largest school district in the United States, as part of a pilot program. This means that although I was the only VISTA at my three school sites, there were 20 other VISTAs in my program, and all of us experienced the roller coaster that is the first year of a VISTA program. We could commiserate with each other when our supervisors decided to change the terms of our contract because it wasn't working for the school district or for the Corporation for National and Community Service (the corporation that oversees the VISTA program and provides the paychecks). But this also meant that we were working in different conditions, being required to put forth varying levels of effort, while still being paid exactly the same amount. There were benefits and there were drawbacks.

One of the major issues I have with this program has to do with the level of dedication--there is no set standard. I came into this program, high-minded and idealistic. I am passionate about education reform and equality and I am also passionate about service. I give 150% most of the time and I thought this was the expectation of a VISTA--why else would a person sign up to get paid $15,000 a year if they didn't care about what they were doing? After all, I was being paid better as a babysitter before I became a VISTA. But as it turns out, many of the people from my program were merely biding their time while they studied for the LSAT or applied for graduate school, living with their parents rent-free and doing little work for a meager paycheck. During our days of service (federal holidays where we did community work like building a community garden), these were the people sitting on benches complaining or holding rakes and chatting with their friends. Meanwhile, I'm hoe-ing my heart out with a hangover, trying to actually accomplish something important and valuable to the people we are trying to help. But I eventually got over the inequality of effort being put forth and learned to roll my eyes, shake my head and get back to work.

Unfortunately, the management of the program just wasn't something I could roll my eyes and be okay with. First of all, I was hired in August 2011 by someone at the district who had interviewed me along with some of the principals interested in the program. Two months later, this person was "taken off" of our project and sent elsewhere and we were dumped on another district employee who seemed to neither understand the VISTA program nor did she particularly like any of us (with the exception of maybe two VISTAs). The assumption was clearly that we were doing nothing with our time at our school sites. Things started changing: our metrics reporting forms became so involved that they took several hours to complete and were now due on the weekends, some VISTAs were given days off for Spring Break or Independence Day while others were expected to work as usual, some VISTAs were being put on probation for merely disagreeing with our district supervisor. While my VISTA supervisors (VISTAs who acted as our Human Resources department) were generally pretty helpful and responsive, they were also essentially powerless.

And as the months progressed and the closer we got to our termination date, the more awful is became. What were we going to do, quit? No one was going to quit and miss out on a $5,000 payout for completing the year of service just to escape another three months of hell. Except that some of us did. The real shame here is that those who quit were the people who cared the most about their schools and their communities. They were the people who gave of themselves irrevocably and because of the district's ignorance, they failed to see and acknowledge the wonderful compassion fused in the very core of these people. Of course, those who were doing nothing more than hanging out all day at a school site stuck around, but the people that were doing important work were so unappreciated that they had to leave.

Of course, their were daily frustrations at the school site--since our program was poorly communicated to our principals, most of them didn't know we were young professionals (not students) or the extent of what we were capable of accomplishing. I struggled almost daily to have my ideas taken seriously, to be viewed as a valuable member of the school community, and to stay informed of what was going on at my various school sites. But overcoming these struggles allowed me to garner valuable professional experience and it opened doors to new communities with open arms. One of my schools now has an online presence where none existed before and they honored me with a special award and plaque at the year's end. I got to see the looks on kids' faces when they received an attendance incentive award (that I sought out) to go to a Dodger's game for free--something their parents wouldn't have had the money to take them to. I got to meet friends and feel like a part of a team in a foreign community and to feel as though I was important.

If I had the chance to do it all over again, would I? Honestly, I'm unsure. There are a lot easier ways to earn money to pay off your student loans (teaching English as a foreign language in Korea, for example!) and there are many programs that more closely align to my passions. Getting a job in the private sector probably would look better on my resume and I wouldn't have to begin every interview with explaining what VISTA is. But at the same time, I survived it. Finding out you're strong enough to make it through something really difficult is self-satisfying. It definitely fed my desire for adventure and is a motivating factor behind my decision to apply for a job teaching English in South Korea. I made it through with a smile on my face, and despite the fact that next year will probably be more difficult, I know I have the ability to still remain positive about my situation.

So, in closing, I hope I didn't deter anyone from doing a year as a VISTA. Service to one's country is important and valuable. If you're like me, motivated by a positive attitude and a desire to work hard in service, then maybe you should check out City Year, another Americorps program, but full of hard workers focused on positivity. If I could go back in time, this is the program I would have applied for because I am in no way afraid of hard work and I think that their process is much healthier for the volunteer state of mind. Of course, there are so many other ways to serve your country, so don't make any decisions until you've explored all of them. Good luck.

Things I Love About My Job: Talking to Seniors

On Wednesday, I had the opportunity to talk to the seniors at my high school about college. If you know me, you know that if there is one thing I love talking about, it is college. Rather, I love motivating others to give college, and themselves, a chance.

Normally the seniors at my high school are disrespectful snots, but I was so pleased with the amount of curiosity they had regarding the college application process. Although a fraction of the class wasn't planning on applying to school (I know, I made them close their eyes and raise their hands), I still tried my best to motivate them to at the very least apply.

I told them all about scholarships and how I believed that college was accessible and could be made to be free if you tried hard enough and had just enough luck. I got to share my beliefs about the system and answer their questions.

Nothing beats the feeling, I tell you!

One more week

Although my VISTA service is ending soon, I'm still constantly surprised by how I get treated at my schools.

The principals at my schools are not quite my bosses and they generally don't treat me like their employee. One of my principals treats me like a colleague, something I really appreciate. She respects me as an individuals with my own valid ideas and shows her appreciation when I go the extra mile.

One of my other principals treats me like dirt. This is my least favorite school for many reasons, but the leadership is numero uno. She treats a lot of her employees like dirt and it's no wonder that morale is so low among the entire staff. She acts like I can just drop everything for her school at a moment's notice. When I ask her to do something, like say, look over the parent newsletter and mark changes, she passes it off to someone else and then when the newsletter doesn't turn out like she wants, she gets angry. She had a WEEK to do as I asked, but she couldn't be bothered. And now I'm supposed to rearrange my schedule to fix it, but to be honest, now I can't be bothered.

One more week. One more week. One more week! Thank the lord!

This time for real!

So it was my first day of work today. Again. Got deja vu yet?

Yes, for the first time today, I experienced what a *normal* day at work would be like. It went a little like this:

7:30 wake up, for the princess in us all
8:00 running late, hurried kiss goodbye to Z, start my car and listen to it squeal for awhile (broken something or other)
8:05 braindead from sleep, get on the wrong freeway, going the wrong direction
8:15 get off the wrong freeway (yes, at 8 am, traffic going to wrong direction is so bad that it will take you 10 minutes to get off at THE NEXT freeway exit) and go the correct direction
8:35 arrive at school slightly late, sit around unsure of what to do for awhile, give myself something to do, meet security staff, a community liaison mom, a school cop, a nurse, counselor, and basically everyone else who is getting paid more than me
1:30 finally meet with the principal to review the request for donations parent letter that I wrote for him, change nothing and receive rubber stamp approval, meeting adjourned
1:45 drive to Local District office, read training materials, do side projects with flexible deadlines
3:30 meeting with Local District supervisors, receive a lot of redundant information, get talked down to and treated like an idiot, miss snippets of the conversation because the sups and the other VISTA randomly start using Spanish
5:00 bitch sesh with my ma

Well, there you have it: MY DAY! Although I might be sarcastic, I really did have a good first day, with the exception of the supervisor meeting. And I'm working on learning Spanish so that when I do encounter culturally ignorant folks, I won't miss all points of the conversation.

(PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT saying that people who speak Spanish are culturally ignorant. Only those with the capability of speaking in English perfectly well who choose to speak in Spanish when they are well aware that others present do not speak Spanish fall under this category)

I hope I have lots more to share in the coming days as I adjust to my new schedule, working quarters, job description and the many, many life changes that come along with being a VISTA. Of course, that includes making it until payday (Thursday) with less than a quarter of a tank of gas. But boy, those good people points sure make my piggy bank feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside!

The end of the beginning--finally.

This might seem like deja vu, but tomorrow marks the last day of training. Again. This week has been very challenging, as it seemed to extend into the realm of uncountable hours stretching on into infinity. But even infinity has its limits, it seems.

I think many people in my training group are apprehensive for the end of this week. Although it's been boring and shockingly repetitive (of PSO), the end of training means the real beginning of our year of service, full of its own responsibilities like bi-weekly supervisor check-ins, weekly to monthly check-ins with our VISTA group, check-ins with our VISTA Leaders, weekly reports, quarterly reports, and really, the list could go on and on. But me?

No apprehension here. I welcome the challenges ahead and can't wait to dive right in and make a difference. I am VERY excited, people.

But before I can commence diving right in, I am being rewarded with a lovely long weekend and I shall doubly reward myself by going to the Norton Simon Museum of Art tomorrow to look at all the awesome paintings by Monet, Rembrandt, Degas, Renoir, van Gogh, Raphael, Botticelli and more. And guess what? It's free Friday, so I can actually afford this little bit of culture.

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away

I am a sponge. A saturated, over-used, left-in-the-sink, stinky sponge. Someone wring me out to dry.

The sheer amount of information I have been force-fed in the last two days doesn't even compare to Friday's orientation, which, by the way, wasn't considered an official day of training. That was like pre-training training. I have definitely learned a LOT about all kinds of things I never wanted to know anything about, particularly in reference to the secret inner workings of a ginormous public school system. Those are secrets meant to be taken to the grave, not dumped upon a slew of recent college grads. I'm tellin' ya, if we actually absorbed anything, we know more about administration than most of the administration.

Today we found out our schools and two of mine are more than a 45-minute drive away! I told my supervisor I could not afford spending an hour and a half in the car four days a week (Z probably couldn't handle it either--I don't come home in a very good mood around rush-hour), so hopefully that will get switched around, or I don't think I can continue working for them. The whole issue is complicated by the fact that I've been trying to figure out my school assignment for two months, during which I could have relocated to be closer. But Z and I just extended our lease another year because our lease is up tomorrow.

So that bit is more than somewhat frustrating, however, I am coping. I'm not freaking out yet or anything, although when I told my ma, she told me to start looking for another job. Always the pessimist. I, however, am choosing to believe the best in people and that it will all work out. For now. Although I am going over my resume again. What?! You can never be too prepared.

Day One

Friday marked my official first day of On-Site Orientation (OSO). It was a day, unlike any other, because I awoke with the urge to take public transit to my destination of choice, the LAUSD District Headquarters, in the heart of downtown LA.

The map didn't look particularly confusing, so I hopped off at Pershing Square and found 4th Street, and despite its hilly countenance, it appeared a road most convenient for the services I was seeking. I walked along 4th, huffing and puffing my way up a Phoenix-sized mountain that evoked the evil spirits of San Francisco city planners. Eventually, it leveled off with my mood.

Suddenly, I seem to notice: hark! Ye olde sidewalk seems to be disappearing. Not a trick of the irises, but rather a fact of life. Shrinking sidewalk then comes to an abrupt end in front of a lovely set of wooden posts acting as guardrails for the on-ramp to a freeway. EEK.

A cursory glance determined that the "leveled-off hill" I had been following was actually a downward-sloping hill, making the walk back to my previous position a most unattractive option. The only other way to avoid walking across the entire freeway like a human frogger was a steep, dirt hill to my right that posed more than one ankle sprain points, a homeless man's abandoned sleep gear, and a half-torn down fence standing between me and a normal, pedestrian-filled walkway. Unattractive, but feasible.

This was not exactly what I had in mind for my commute, but I figured it would make a good story, so I went for it. Little did I know, this would be the most interesting thing on my plate all day. The training was informative, don't get me wrong. But it had me yearning for the varied teaching styles of my facilitator at PSO, or for the impassioned ideals of those involved in the non-profit sector, or even just the slightest whisper of hope that things can and will change.

Unfortunately, the district has been beaten down by the weight of the journey ahead of them and there seems to be very little hope left. But I still hope. I hope that tomorrow will be a better day, filled with more interesting training material.

Give me a P!

Being in Portland was an awesome experience.

Americorps took care of everything; as I told my mother, I didn't spend a dime in four days! For me, that is a big deal, and one to celebrate. The beds were amazing--if a cloud and a feather were to make love, THIS was the bed in which they would have chosen this bed. The food was delicious, all local, fresh. Some people complained that there was too many veggies. Whaaaat? Not. Possible.

While I was there, I spent some time wandering around by myself, enjoying the atmosphere, checking out local cafes, walking the waterfront, seeing friends old and new, and learning a lot.

While I was there, I had the opportunity to visit my friend, E, who hosted a friend and I last Spring Break, which was an awesome and mind-blowing experience that marked many firsts for me--dumpster diving, minor building projects, sleeping in a tent indoors, and many, many more adventures. Re-visiting was another whirlwind, a different cast of characters but the same old zany fun.

Well, as it turns out, one of the new roommates, J, is from Arizona, and he and I just happened to go to the same middle and high schools and he just happened to date one of my best friends in the whole world, J! Small world.

For me, Portland is just one of those magical places where I am more creative, where I see human interactions that make me think, where I can run into people I knew a DECADE ago. I feel SO old.

Thoughts on becoming a VISTA

There is this horribly idealistic portion of my soul that feeds off of service to others. I am my happiest when I am positively impacting another person's life, and that happiness multiplies a thousand-fold when I am using my natural talents and abilities to make that impact.

It's important to know this so that you know why I took this oath today:

"I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservations or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office which I am about to enter."

Hearing the multitude of voices surround me assured me that I wasn't alone. I felt like I was being swept up in the swell of their voices, lifted away from pessimistic attitudes and self-doubt. I think I just became a VISTA.

Alphabet soup

As you may or may not know, I spent the last four days at Pre-Service Orientation (PSO, one of way too many acronyms to come) in Portland, Oregon. Portland is one of my favorite places in the world, so of course I was absolutely thrilled to go, excited to learn more about what it means to be part of Volunteers in Service to America (VISTA) with Americorps and to gain some tangible skills that will help me with the challenging year ahead.

Just so you don't end up reading a ridiculously long blog about all that stuff, I will include Portland information in a blog to come. Keep your eyes peeled, people.

Our training consisted of a series of workshops led by our facilitator, S, centered on poverty, resource development, and facilitation so that we would all have the tools to address Americorps' mission of eradicating poverty in America. S was very forward-thinking in her approaches, allowing us to doodle, play with clay and pipe-cleaners, and using a variety of different learning methods to keep us all engaged.

I learned a lot during my four days there and the feeling I had was indescribable. I felt like I was in the right place at the right time, doing what I was meant to do. I became really close with my orientation group, learning from each of them.

One of the girls in the group had a really good analogy about poverty. She said:

"Poverty is like a cage. Whether you are inside or outside of that cage, you are affected by that cage."

This is just one of many things I took away from this orientation that changed my perspective on the world in a way that I hope I can remember forever.

V is for VISTA

In two days, I will be on a plane to Portland, OR for training to begin my job with Americorps.

But it occurred to me that a lot of people don't really know much about the whole organization, the purposes, goals, or mission of the people involved. So I'll start from the beginning. Or, Wikipedia has a nice article, too.

I will be serving as a Volunteer in Service to America (VISTA) with Americorps. Fact.
I will be working with schools and students in the Los Angeles area to create a volunteer program that aims to increase attendance. Fact.
I will be paid, not in actual dollars, but in good people points almost exclusively. Mostly True.

I will keep you updated on the coming year, about my successes and my tribulations, my doubts and my shouts, so on and so forth.

I'll be at Pre-Service Orientation (PSO) this coming week and am sure I'll have plenty of stories and idealism to share then. Until then, arrivederce!

Soon to be old job versus New job

It's the battle of the century! Okay, not really. But here's the deal.

I've been working as a nanny for a well-to-do couple in downtown for awhile now, and will soon need to quit in order to start my new job. Nannying is great and all, don't get me wrong. Hanging out with a couple of kids all day? Pretty great, so long as I get to go home at the end of the day.

But you know, it's just not as fulfilling as I hope my new job is to be, spending a year in the service with Americorps. More info to come later, but be prepared to hear all about my trials and tribulations in what (I am hoping) will be the best year ever!!